Memorial Day

 On Memorial Day, we went to visit Michael and my Grandpa's graves, which are side by side.
What a beautiful sunny day it was!
 I can't believe that it's coming up on 5 years since my brother's death.  It's the first time that I haven't been so sad to visit. Still sad, but not on the verge of tears at the mention of his name like I have been for the last four years. I am just grateful and at peace to know that he is happy, that he lives on, and that we'll see him again. I'm glad to finally fully feel at peace with what happened. It seems like it's been a long road getting here.

Emmie told me out of the blue the other day that her uncle was standing over Lexi's crib. I know that sounds a little creepy and weird, but I honestly feel that the veil is really thin for her. She is always telling me "interesting" things, and whether or not all of it is true, I still believe that Michael is closeby. I try and listen closely when she tells me things...she does have a wild imagination but I don't know how she could make up some of what she says on her own.

The cemetery was so crowded - there were lines of cars waiting to get in. It was heartwarming to see so many families meeting there to leave flowers as a token of their love for their lost loved ones. I've never seen so many flowers! It was beautiful. There was even a gentleman walking around playing the bagpipes, which was very touching!

Spur of the moment we decided to call Kylie and Steven to see if they wanted to come and meet us over there, since they live closeby. My cute sis in law was just 4 days away from her due date in this picture! Sweet baby Jack didn't end up making his debut until over a week later.
I'm grateful that we went and for the unique and special feeling that was there.

Parker's school year

Parker finished out (another) great year of preschool. He loved every minute of it! His favorite days were the ones where he got to be the "Special Helper". In fact, he made sure we came home a day early from St. George so that he wouldn't miss one of his big day as "Special Helper".  One funny thing that his teacher noted during PTC was that he had to make sure every student's crayons were put away in their correct trays each day... what?! I wish he were that anal with his things at home!

Here he is with Mrs. Van Ausdal and his cute buddies and neighbors whom we carpooled with each day (they only went Tuesdays and Thursdays). Rest assured those were some lively car rides with those three bouncing off the walls. Parker had so much fun with these friends and loved his
after-school playdates with them!

Parker passed off each and every book he brought home to read each week. Here are some of the ones he learned to read! He did such a great job and we are so proud of him. Learning comes easy to Parker. He absorbs everything we teach him pretty much the first time around and seems to comprehend most concepts. His little brain is always turning! His in depth questions are endless, literally from the moment he wakes up (at the crack of dawn) to bed time. He is such a sweetheart (minus a few tantrums he still seems to give) and we just adore him!

Unfortunately, more is taught in preschool these days than public school Kindergarten...hopefully he won't mind re-learning letters again next year! Aghh!

Dancey

I know I haven't mentioned it, but Emmie took a ballet/tap/jazz class this last year, starting last September. She loved it!
Around our house, her class was better known as "dancey".

My little dreamer girl....
her attention span lasted about 8 minutes total of the 60 minute class, but she loved her "dancey" nonetheless! At home she'd practice her moves and show me how she'd use her plies to fend off any "bad guys".
Maybe I should have signed her up for karate? ;)
Despite her attention span (or lack thereof) and interesting use of her learned moves, she really enjoyed the class. The dance studio was great and super close to our house.
 We will definitely be signing up again next year.

 
Snow White even came to visit the class in February. Don't you just love her (Emmie's) princess pose?



Yep, that's my Emmie, the only one without a princess dress on! Yikes, I felt so bad! Mother of the Year Award for that one. We had a lot going on and had missed the previous week, so I forgot her princess attire that morning. Awesome. But aren't these girls the cutest?! And their moms were just as 'cute'! I loved getting to know some of them during our one day a week chat sessions while our girls danced. :) Even Parker made a friend there and is excited to be in the same Kindergarten class with him next year.

Her "professional" dance pic taken just in May, wearing one of her recital costumes.

This was such a cute little baseball dance! We were in Texas on June 1st -the night of the recital, so we actually ended up missing it. But that's okay!

 

 I love watching my kids develop their talents and find out what they like and what they don't. Next year she's also going to take gymnastics... which was my "sport" when I was a kid.
We'll see how she likes it!

Families are Forever

The Hansen clan just 9 months ago.

Adorable Atticus sitting proudly on Grandpa's lap...

 

8 months later in TX...

It's crazy how life can change in the blink of an eye.

Isn't that the truth. 

I received this lesson a few years back when my brother died.

It was brutal. I couldn't breathe. I was devastated. And shocked. For a long, long, time.

It still hurts. It always will.

I retook this dreaded lesson on another level most recently with the loss of our sweet nephew Atticus. The premature loss of a loved one is definitely not a course anyone anticipates or expects that they will be forced into.

 It's an agonizing one.

 An absolute life changing one.

 A nightmare.

 When we heard of Atti's diagnosis this last January, we were floored.

SHOCKED and incredibly heartbroken do not begin to sum it up.

I'd never seen Chris so upset before in my life.

But then, it's not everyday that your nephew is diagnosed with terminal brain cancer.

We were pretty depressed and had a hard time functioning. We just couldn't begin to believe that this was happening. Our hearts just ached for what we knew was coming. What we saw happening. I braced myself knowing the horror that I went through in losing my brother would soon be Eric and Cindy's reality but unimaginably even worse, in losing their SON.

 The thought truly left me in panic attacks. 

We felt so helpless.

 And were.

Especially by the fact that this was all taking place in Texas, while we sat in Utah.

Over the last 5 months, amidst the heartbreak and devastation there were miracles that were witnessed. Beautiful moments and memories were made. Quality time was given and some amazing things happened.

We were so thankful for the opportunity to go back to visit Atti in Texas about a month ago. We cherished our time with our sweet nephew.

 {I have many pictures to post from that trip but it's just too much to revisit right now.}

 We got back from Texas on a Monday, and received the dreaded news that Atti passed away the following Sunday, the day before Memorial Day.

With broken hearts, we packed up and headed back to Texas for the funeral.

 I took a few pictures at the graveside service, but out of respect for Cindy and Eric I don't think I'll share but just these few and several things I want to remember from that day...

Atticus had been declared an honorary deputy sheriff a few weeks prior. The department had a uniform made for him and everything. It was absolutely adorable. They had a big ceremony for him which made the local news.
Clearly, the entire police force fell in love with him that day.
So rather than Atti's casket being transported in a traditional hearse, (sp?) he went in a police Tahoe, and the entire funeral procession had a police escort to the cemetery! That whole line of cars in the left picture is part of the procession - and that was just a small part of it! They had all the intersections police-barricaded for us. Bystanders were coming out and staring, wondering what in the world was going on.
And it wasn't just a short drive from the church to the cemetery.
 It was AMAZING.
 I'm sure Atticus thought it was the coolest thing.

Atticus' adorable little brother, Isaac, aka Chunk.
 I truly feel that the veil is thin for these little ones and I am certain he knows his big brother is watching over him. I love this picture of he and Emmie, with his hand on the band just above "Atticus".

As the graveside service came to an end, I was super touched when these darling little friends of Atti's and Isaac's suddenly encircled Isaac. In the reverent manner in which they did this I could feel of their love for Chunk and for his brother, and had a strong impression of Atticus being there and loving and appreciating these precious friendships. It just seemed a symbol that Isaac was going to be well taken care of and watched out for. These cute little girl's mom has been a tremendous blessing to Eric and Cindy throughout this journey. We've been so grateful for all the amazing Texas friends and ward members who have taken such good care of them throughout all of this.

The "Angels for Atticus" wristbands were blue and orange, so in celebration of Atticus that day much of the family and friends attending wore those colors.

 If you can call a funeral beautiful, it was. Every last detail that was planned out was amazing. Very touching. Cindy shared the most amazing poem. It can be read HERE. And Eric gave the most heartfelt, beautiful talk I have EVER heard. You can read it HERE. Take a kleenex. He spoke directly to Atticus and WOW was it incredible. Truly!
 I was so proud of both of them. Talk about a hard thing to speak at your child's funeral.
 But they did it and they did it beautifully and with grace.

 It was the most heart wrenching thing I have ever witnessed to stand by helpless as Cindy and Eric grieved over their sweet son.
Our hearts just ache for them.
I am so grateful for the knowledge that we will se Atticus again. I know that we will. I am so grateful  for his life and all that we have learned from his amazing little spirit.  We have been tremendously blessed by him and all that he has taught us.
We love you Buddy!

An Angel in the Outfield

Our precious little nephew Atticus returned to his Heavenly home this last Sunday after his valiant fight with brain cancer. This last four and a half months since his diagnosis have been agonizing for our family, I have to say. What a brave little warrior he is and we are honored and humbled to have this incredible spirit as a part of our family. He is truly an amazing force and has taught the world to walk in His light. We love him so much and it hurts to think how much we are going to miss him. So so SO much. We are so grateful to know that someday we will meet again and that meanwhile this incredible little boy is free to run and play and hit all those home runs he was known for just six months ago.

To read his incredibly touching obituary, go here: www.echansen.blogspot.com



We were SO  blessed to be able to go to Texas and visit Atticus just 10 days ago.
 How grateful we are to have spent that time with him!
I haven't had time to document our trip yet, and plan to, but meanwhile here are a few pictures...
(of the bizillions you know I took;)

My Father-in-law put on a Pinewood Derby! Atti looooves cars and so a Pinewood Derby race was so much for him!

Atti, Isaac & Lexi

Atticus was so cute with Lex. Very gentle with her!

..& Isaac (aka Chunk) is the sweetest baby in all the land. No joke!

 LOVE these two boys! And this girl!

They have this absolute dream place called "Bahama Bucks" in Texas that has the most heavenly sno cones...I've been craving another one since we went....It was DEEElicious!

The three amigos "racing" down the back alley.
Atti and Parker are about 18 months apart (just like their daddies), and Emmie and Atti just 8 months (Atticus is older). I've always thought these three look like they could be siblings.

Atti was always cracking jokes and always tried to have on a happy face during our visit, even though he didn't feel well. I just love him so much. There is such a sweet tenderness about this precious little boy that is impossible to convey in words. His sweet, smooth little voice is music to my ears and his maturity weeeellll beyond a four year old's. This little boy had (I prefer to say has, as I know his little spirit is near) more wisdom in his Being than most adults accumulate in a lifetime of many years. Even being so sick, he just radiated such a light.
 Of course he did.
Look at all the lives he's touched!
He was surely sent here with a divine mission.
  Saying goodbye the night before our plane left was one of the most excrutiating things I've ever done.
We knew it would be our last moment here on earth with him.
 Talk about heartwrenching.
He is one SPECIAL little boy!
{That description seems so inadequate.}
 I am so grateful to  Eric and Cindy  for allowing us to go out and spend that quality time with their precious son. I am beyond grateful that myself and Chris, and our kids will have those special memories and these pictures to treasure in the years to come.  

Building garages with blocks to house all his hundreds of race cars!

Hard to believe this was just last Christmas. We had no idea he was sick. Just 3 weeks later his diagnosis would come...

And this is just last September. He was so full of life. I'm so glad I took these pictures. SO glad. The picture on the right is how I picture him in Heaven now.
 Excited. Happy. Free!
We love you, sweet Atticus! I get so (so so so SOOOO) sad to think that my kids don't get to grow up with their amazing cousin, but then I am comforted to think of the angel in the outfield we have watching over them and what a glorious reunion we have to look forward to!
xoxo

Mother's Day

I am so blessed to have these amazing kiddos in my life. I love being their mom & am so grateful for the joy they bring to Chris and I.

On Mother's Day I woke up to some beautiful flowers (I failed to take a picture of them) and some awesome notes from my kids. I love it when they draw me pictures, and even more I love the smile they have on their faces when they present me with their masterpieces.

 It makes my heart happy!!!

While Chris was at a church meeting, Parker made me the following while I was getting ready, without any help!:

It says: "Mom I love yow and I  wal nevr stop luve n yow. Mom I love yow."
(Translation: "Mom I love you and I will never stop loving you".)
How PRECIOUS is that?! Not bad for a preschooler spelling things all by himself, ay?
And if you wonder what the picture is, he wasn't sure! He later decided the pink guy was an elephant with a pack on his back. I can see that! :)

Parker helped Emmie with hers (above). So cute!

And this was a special gift he made for me at preschool. He came home so excited, hiding it behind his back and told me he was going to hide this special surprise in his room until Mother's Day.
 And that he did.
The flower petals are made with his fingerprints.
 I absolutely LOVE it!

After church, we were sitting on the couch and my tricky husband had his "helpers" start presenting me with the following pictures they made:

This one says, "You are the cutest mom ever", and was presented with a Visa gift card to go shopping! Oh, how I loooove guilt-free shopping!
 (I bought myself some tangerine skinny jeans - in case you wondered;). Super practical, right?)

This one says, "Use this to get a treat", and was presented with a
 Roxberry Smoothie gift card!
I'm a little addicted to their "Green" smoothies. Have you had one?!
LOVE! LOVE LOVE!

This one says, "This will help you relax", and was accompanied with a gift card for a spa pedicure! (I haven't had a chance to redeem this one yet and it shows.)
My husband definitely knows me!
Better than I know myself sometimes!
 I am one lucky mama, and wife.
We just stayed home this Mother's Day as Chris' Mom was in Texas with our sweet nephew, and my Mom was living it up in Hawaii. It was perfect, relaxed, laid back day at home! Chris cooked dinner, and I even got a much-needed nap. It's been a crazy couple of months, so this was the perfect way to spend our day.

Lexi is 7 months

This little girl is 7 months old today!


She had her 6 month appointment
(yes, a month late even though it was scheduled 2 months ago) on Monday and it's hard to believe that this Chunka Love is only in the 14.03 %ile for weight, and 6.96%ile for height!

Oooh don't you just want to squish those little cheeks?!
You should see her thighs...they. are. the best!
{Live it up girlfriend, sad to say but thunder thighs don't stay in style forever. ;)}

She's not quite sitting up yet by herself.
We're working on it!
She's super wobbly but Chris and the kids timed her the other day and she stayed up for 6 minutes.
She spins herself around on her tummy as well as continues with her rolling to get where she wants. She has zero interest in cruising or standing yet. Hopefully it stays that way for a while longer!

She is the BEST baby and I adore every squishy little inch of her!

Easter anyone?

I guess it's about time I post about Easter!
I wish I could tell about how our holiday was calm and serene and focused on all things it should be, but in keeping it real, and like usual, our holiday was a fiasco.  Good, but trust me, a fiasco. No matter how hard I try to be on top of things, that just seems to be my life these days. And that is an understatement. ;) We are considering a move across the country to see if that will ease up on the chaos in our life. ;) I'm kidding. Maybe.

Showing off their new shades...

I was hoping to have the Saturday night Easter Bunny visit, but with Chris working until 7 pm, that was not an option. So Sunday morning the games began and the kids were very excited that the white fluffy guy had come. Funny, his handwriting looks a lot like Chris'...

Lexi's first Easter!
 I wish I had gotten a better picture of her, or one at all of just her in her Easter dress, but the following is all I managed before our mad dash out the door...:

Easter 2012

I did manage to catch a shot of this cute girl before her hair and dress were ruined (there is about a 5 minute window there...). But as for the other two, it didn't happen. Oh well. She actually had the beginnings of a nasty cold and Lexi was just starting her very first sickness (we spent the following 5 days home sick), so the three of us stayed home while the boys went to Sacrament meeting...

Then we were off to my cute Grandma's house, where it felt a little more like Christmas than Easter. There were multiple Easter baskets for each of my kids,treats that will last us to inifinity and beyond, and we even hit the jackpot with Easter eggs containing $10 for each adult...spoiled!

Next stop was the Hansens, where we enjoyed an Easter dinner and of course an egg hunt for the kiddos.

I was so exhausted this day that I honestly can't recall another detail!
 Good thing I have these pictures to help me remember.