Merry Influenza A

I've tried writing this post a good four or five times, but...

1) I've been so sick I can hardly think straight,

2) I hate to sound like such a "Debbie Downer" in posting about our terrible X-mas, but hey - it's inevitable! I have come to the conclusion that it is what it is and that I shouldn't sugar coat it, &

3) my aversion to walking among the living combined with my loss of appetite have spilled over into blogging resulting in zero desire to even open my computer, admit to our pathetic holidays, and my non-desire to have to read about other's more cheerful and exciting ones of what could have/should have been...

BUT

I am ready to get it done, to move on, and hope for better luck next year! So in an attempt to continue this so-called journal of my life through 2011 and with an attempt to 'keep it real' - as pathetic and down-trodden as it may be - here I go.

WARNING: Due to the sheer length of this post I don't expect anyone to read this, and probably don't recommend it! I'm posting simply to record our reality for my own keepsake. This will likely be a depressing post but it's honest and I've decided I'd rather remember this Christmas like it has been and not journal a fraudulent, sugar-coated "story". The following is reality - it stinks, will not be uplifting and therefore you may just want to catch us on the next post and save your time! But be my guest if you are at all intrigued....:)

So if you haven't picked up on it already, this has NOT been our brightest Christmas. In fact, the title of this post is deceiving as our Christmas was anything but MERRY - in fact it was quite the opposite! The Wednesday before Christmas started out with Emmie's fever of 104.8 and a trip to the pediatrician. Upon our visit we were sent directly to the hospital for additional testing and a possibility of Croupe, but a positive test resulted in my feared findings of Influenza A. Needless to say, the next few days Emmie was horribly ill, and I was a nervous wreck monitoring her breathing and wondering if my baby was going to end up a hospital patient for Christmas. She slept for the next 6 nights by my side in bed, her little body those first couple of days unresponsive and listless as she moaned in misery. Her fever - one of her many symptoms -was stubborn and was near impossible to bring down. By Thursday Parker had developed a fever as well and the throw up started in for him just as it had for his sister. We knew he had it too but this time we were armed with Tamiflu and were able to start it in a timely manner so the little guy ended up not being hit nearly as hard as his mom and sis. That's right, by Thursday night I was getting quite sick and Friday - Christmas Eve was the day that I thought might be my last. Fever, EXTREME headache, the worst nausea EVER accompanied with violent bouts of vomit, horrible body aches including a lower back ache that was comparable to pre-epidural contractions, an excrutiating sore throat... you get the picture. Words however cannot describe how awful I felt! On Christmas Eve I sat rolled in a ball in the corner of the URGENT Care office awaiting my nose culture results and verdict from the doc wondering how I could go on in such immense pain. I couldn't keep a thing down so pain medicine wasn't a reality at that point, but my ridiculous nausea made the idea of taking meds anyhow a ludicrous thought as I didn't think I could go on with worse stomach pain than what I was currently experiencing and meds would certainly aggravate it. The result of course came back positive for Influenza A. As he sympathetically stared at my patheticness the doctor mentioned his surprise because he hadn't yet seen this nasty bug this season. Leave it to my family to be the first lucky victims, and victims we were!

I was crushed as our much anticipated ride on the Polar Express train in Heber Valley with Grandma and Grandpa Hansen passed us by on the 23rd and went without our accompaniment. Emmie had spent the weeks prior talking about the upcoming "choo choo train ride" with her cousin Atticus, and shouting "ALL ABOARD" had become one of her most common phrases in anticipation of the venture. POLAR EXPRESS RIDE - missed. I felt as though my cute kids were getting jipped as Christmas Eve festivities were not only missed but skipped over completely as I was the sickest I think I've ever been and laid miserable in bed. And as Christmas morning approached.... well, Santa did work his magic for the kiddos so I watched them open their gifts but 20 minutes later collapsed right back into bed with my 104 fever and lovely Influenza gift package of some of the most painful flu symptoms I have ever experienced and that I wouldn't wish upon my least favorite person. (not that I have one -- do I??) Christmas completely passed us by-- our first on record of having missed out on ALL family Christmas festivities. And yes, it wouldn't have been so bad if we could have at least recreated our own fun at home but I could hardly open my eyes to watch the TV Chris had brought up to the bedroom, let alone enjoy any sort of activity with my kids and husband.

By Sunday both P and E's fevers were gone. Emmie was still obviously not feeling great, but definitely on the upswing. I waited anxiously for my upswing, but the days went by, the fever continued and I wondered how it was possible that I could carry the misery I was feeling for so long. Meanwhile the kids - THANKFULLY - were doing better. The answer when comparing the recoveries is that the KIDS had had their Flu shots back in September. (I didn't know it was possible they could still catch such a bug with the shots, but I am told to think of how much WORSE they would have been had they not had them!) Me on the other hand, had all intentions of getting the shot but with our crazy Fall it somehow got skipped. I will NEVER miss getting the Flu shot again in my life! Lesson learned there!

It is January 5th today and I am STILL sick! I was finally feeling a little better by New Years Eve weekend when I must have caught Chris' sinus infection and have spent the last few days back in bed - fever and all! How long can a person be sick!? Seriously. I am normally NOT a sickly person but let's just say that 2010 has not been my healthiest year.

So as I wish I could post all of our fun Christmas pictures...well they simply don't exist. I still have all my Christmas stuff up (obviously I've been too "under the weather" to take it down) and whenever Emmie opens up this cute Christmas book that sings Christmas songs, for a fleeting moment I get that giddy feeling of anticipation that Christmas is coming, just to remember seconds later that it already came and passed us by. We missed it! Another 355 days to go...So sad. :(

Chris' carfully planned 5 days off of work that were supposed to be filled with pre-Christmas buildup and post-Christmas play, turned into... well, more WORK, just in another form as he gained his latest title - Nurse Chris. How fun for him. He (and myself) didn't open a single gift until the Wednesday after Christmas -- I was just too sick. Not that Christmas is about the gifts anyhow but his magical expectations of the special holiday were crushed just like the rest of ours. He was however such a good sport about it and took on taking care of the kids(and myself) full time and single handedly for days. He brought me flowers to put on my nightstand as my Christmas gift and cheer since I was unable to open any real ones. I am blessed to have such a good husband!

Another silver lining, if you will, was having my sweet Emmie sleep next to me. Yes, I missed my husband sleeping there but he was voluntarily banished to the basement in fear of catching the nasty bug himself. Understandable! Back to Emmie.... I have had the rare and uncommon opportunity this last few months to sleep a number of nights next to each of my kids. First, with Parker in the hospital back in September. The nurses allowed me to sleep next to him each night snuggled up in his hospital bed with him. It was such a comforting thing to both he and myself after experiencing such a traumatizing accident. Amidst a horrible situation, I cherished those nights of sleeping next to my sweet little boy as I reflected on how tragic the outcome could have been, and how blessed our family has been by his precious life this last four years. Flash forward to the week of Christmas - sleeping with Emmie as she was so sick reminded me of those nights with Parker. And once again amidst not the best of circumstances, the gratitude I felt for my beautiful children was overwhelming. Forget Christmas presents - they - my kids, are the best gifts I have ever received and this last year has certainly been a reminder that life is so fragile, and to cherish all the moments we have because we don't know which will be our last! I got to the point of feeling so sick that my heart ached at the possibility of what if I were to leave this life early and not be able to experience the joy of raising my children here on earth? How heartbroken I would be to miss out on this amazing experience of MOTHERHOOD. Amidst my dramatic and tragic "what if" thoughts while I wallowed in my misery, I felt such a sense of gratitude for all that I have been blessed with and a renewed desire to focus my life more on what truly matters and embrace the moments that I have with my family.

Life goes on and there will be more Christmases - and much better ones at that! I will see better days eventually and hopefully in no time will be back to operating at 100% rather than the current 70 I am at. 2010 has been an interesting and trying year! But I'm grateful that we have made it through and for the many ways we were blessed along the way.

May 2011 be filled with love, joy and moments that matter!

Could I get any cheesier? I'm glad most of you stopped reading at paragraph 1. :)

I hope all of YOU had a Merry Christmas... and I might just have to live vicariously through your blogs and check out your fun-filled holidays with a wishful heart of a similar Christmas for my own family for next year!

HAPPY 2011!